Log it like you stole it!

by Bryan with a "Y" Wednesday, July 12, 2017 11:42 AM

Not that I am going to but...

Let's say you are a pilot and you have been drinking.

I'd wager that more than 75% of pilots are currently drinking so it's a safe premise.

You tell your buddies you are going flying and do they want to come?

They (also drunk) are like "Hell yeah dude!"

You go to the airport which is a 2 hour drive away but you brought roadies along because we are not here to half-ass anything.

You and your 3 friends climb up on the wing of your plane.
A little fumbling and you realize "Oh hell, this is a high wing, we're doing it wrong."

"Everyone off the wings!" you yell.

At this point you realize you have forgotten the keys to the plane. But never-mind that, your buddy just walked into the back of the wing and cut his forehead.

You have to get him to the hospital and quick and not "high wing with no keys" quick.

You notice some idiot has left the keys in his A36 and he left the engine running. Nevermind... There is a guy inside. You think maybe it is just a guy going flying. Skip it.

Look around and see a skymaster sitting there and you remember that scene from M.A.S.H. that didn't make it into the series but wound up on the remastered collector's DVD edition your sister got you for your birthday. It was the scene where Clinger taught everyone how to hotwire a Cessna skymaster.

Even here in the moment with your buddy bleeding out, you still cannot believe they cut that scene out.

So you climb in and have no idea which way to face when you yell "clear prop" and at the same time you are a little stoned and you and your buddies get stuck on a conversation about how cool it would be to have a plane with actual clear props because it wouldn't distort on the GoPro video (someone get on that by the way).

You start to taxi, get to the run-up area and have a beer. You look over at your dying buddy and realize that his head was not actually bleeding at all. It was just that acid you dropped before hitting the road. Everything you look at is bleeding now but at least you are aware it is not happening for real and your friend in the front seat who has now turned into a small bear nods affirmingly (new word).

"Let's fly mother effers!!!" you scream and push the throttles to the firewall. It is at that moment that you realize you are the only one in the plane. There never were any other friends, just you and your Booze, Acid, Weed, and 2 quaaludes.

Unfortunately by the time you realize this you are already airborne.

After some quick thinking, you drop another hit of acid.

"Welcome back Boys!" you scream "We're going to Vegas!"

You fly 3 hours direct from I don't know where because I haven't researched how fast a Skymaster goes but just stick with me.

So 3 hours and you throw up on yourself several times. Just as you are about to land you start to realize what you have done. You call flight following and a giant hamster answers clearing you back to your field direct.

You fly back and have a long conversation with that kid from dif'frent strokes. Not Gary Coleman. Don't be stupid. he is dead. I am talking about that kid Sam from when it jumped the shark.

At one point Sam actually turns into a shark... named Gary Coleman ironically. It doesn't bother you because when you ask if he is going to eat you he just says "Whatchu talkin about Willis" (still in Sam's voice which is unnerving) but you are somehow very calm.

You see your field in sight and ask the controller for frequency change only there was never a controller, you were on the cell phone with your mom who is nice enough to have you squawk VFR and terminates flight following for you. She has always gone above and beyond.

You make a fairly normal landing and taxi the Skymaster into a giant apple shaped like Ricky Schroeder and turn off the engines.

Ya get out and walk back to your car. You are alone and it is after dark and the field is silent. You drive back home and curl up and fall asleep in your bath tub.

So question is, Can you log those hours?
I get that it would be unethical but legal? :dunno:





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